Being kind to yourself - Practicing self compassion

At Warming Light Counselling, we believe that healing starts with being kind to yourself. But let's be honest—being kind to ourselves isn’t always easy. Our brains are wired for survival, constantly scanning for threats and anticipating worst-case scenarios. This natural instinct helps us survive, but it often means we’re overly critical of ourselves, making mistakes feel like disasters. The truth is, harsh self-judgment rarely helps and often makes a tough situation feel even heavier.

That’s where the practice of self-compassion comes in. Self-compassion is the act of treating yourself with the same kindness, care, and understanding that you would offer a close friend. Research by Dr. Kristin Neff highlights three essential components of self-compassion: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. These elements can make a profound difference in reducing stress, anxiety, and negative self-talk.

The Science Behind Self-Compassion

Studies have shown that self-compassion doesn’t just make us feel better emotionally—it can also physically impact our brain. Neuroscientist Sarah Peyton explains how practising self-compassion activates the soothing system in the brain, which helps reduce the fight or flight response, easing nervous system activation and allowing us to face challenges with more balance and clarity. So, instead of getting stuck in cycles of self-criticism, self-compassion enables us to approach situations with a sense of calm and resilience.

But let’s face it: being compassionate with ourselves doesn’t come naturally. It often feels uncomfortable, even awkward. This is why we focus on making small, manageable shifts—because tiny is mighty. Just a 1% change in the way you treat yourself can have a profound impact on your mental health and overall well-being.

Practical Ways to Start Practicing Self-Compassion

Here are three simple, everyday actions that can help you practice self-compassion in a way that feels achievable and impactful:

Accept Compliments & Say No Without Over-Explaining
If you struggle with low self-worth, you might find yourself rejecting compliments or justifying your boundaries. When someone praises your work or your effort, do you downplay it? Or, when you say no, do you feel the need to over-explain? These reactions come from a deeper belief that your achievements, feelings, or needs aren’t valid unless you justify them.

Self-compassion means accepting praise and setting boundaries without guilt. To start, when someone compliments you, pause and say, “Thank you.” When you need to say no, keep it simple: “No, that won’t work for me.” These small acts help you build tolerance for self-acceptance and begin to shift your relationship with yourself.

Use “Of Course” Statements to Acknowledge Your Feelings
When life gets tough, our first instinct might be to judge or suppress our emotions. But emotions don’t need fixing—they need understanding. Self-compassion involves acknowledging your feelings without judgment.

Try this: When you’re feeling overwhelmed or upset, place your hand on your chest and say, “Of course I feel this way. It makes sense because…” This simple phrase helps you connect with your emotions and see them as valid, making it easier to process them in a healthy way.

How Would You Treat a Friend?
We often treat ourselves far more harshly than we would treat a friend. If your friends were struggling, would you criticize them in the same way you criticize yourself? Probably not. So why do we justify being unkind to ourselves?

Next time you’re hard on yourself, ask yourself, “Would I say this to a friend?” If the answer is no, ask: What’s one small thing I can do to comfort myself right now? It could be something as simple as taking a deep breath, giving yourself a hug, or playing your favourite song. Self-soothing doesn’t have to be a big gesture—it’s the small acts that add up.

Final Thoughts: Tiny is Mighty

Self-compassion is a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice and patience. Start with small, consistent shifts—accept compliments, set boundaries without guilt, acknowledge your feelings with kindness, and treat yourself like a friend.

Each 1% shift builds over time, and before you know it, the weight of self-criticism will lift, making space for more joy, ease, and self-acceptance. If you’re feeling stuck, reach out for support. You don’t have to practice self-compassion alone.